Episode 006 - Confucian Fish Wisdom
Book of Doug Touchstones Episode Features * No related Ramblecast Featured Story "The Youth Who Wanted to Learn What Fear Was". Originally a shorter version was translated by the Grimm Brothers who titled it "Good Bowling and Card Playing". No specific location given. Aarne-Thompsun-Uther Type 326: The Youth Who Wanted to Learn What Fear Was. Overall Plot * The youngest of two sons (the Youth), who is the best because he is the younger sibling, is a dumb burden on everyone around him but again is the youngest so is therefore our main character. * His older brother and the townsfolk would talk about shuddering in fear. * The Youth believes that shuddering is beyond him. ** Possibly too dumb to be afraid. ** A worse int score than their current party's Elf Fighter. ** Tyler: "If he had a stove his face would be constantly on it." * The Youth's father is growing frustrated because he is at an age where he should be useful for literally anything and is not. * The Youth tells his father he wants to learn to shudder * Father complains to the Sexton. The Sexton offers to teach the Youth to shudder. * The Sexton highers the Youth to toll the bell in the bell house. * One night the Sexton calls the Youth out at midnight to ring the bell. ** The Sexton appears as a white figure, dressed as a specter in an attempt to make the Youth afraid. ** The Youth tells the figure, "Speak if you're an honest fellow or I'll knock you down the stairs" ** The Sexton thinks, Nah he wouldn't. ** The Youth does. Also makes sure to toll the bell and then goes to bed. * The Sexton's wife becomes nervous as her husband has not returned and he should have by now. * She asks the Youth if he has seen him. He says no but he saw a specter that he proceeded to knock down the stairs and says he'd be quite sorry if it was her husband as he is quite a nice fellow. * She finds the Sexton at the bottom of the stairs with a broken leg. * The Wife complains to the Youth's father who proceeds to kick his son out and makes him promise to not mention where he comes from. * He leaves the following morning muttering about how he wants to shudder. * Random guy hears his mutterings and directs him to sit under some a nearby gallows tree, where 7 men have been hanged, till night. * At night he is huddled next to a fire he has built and notices the hanging corpses and thinks they must be pretty cold and so takes them down and huddles them around the fire. * The bodies catch fire. The Youth is annoyed by this so he threatens to hang them back up. Being corpses, "they continue being dead and on fire so he puts them back." * He goes to an inn. The landlord hears him and mentions a haunted castle he could chill at and that the king says anyone who stays three nights in a row in the castle gets to "have" his daughter who is, "the super hottest lady in the history of anything." * He goes to the King and says he'll attempt it. The King allows him to bring three things but nothing alive. He chooses, fire, a turning lathe, and a carving bench with a knife attached. * The first night he starts a fire and later hears shrieking voices about how they are cold he yells to the voices that they should come hang out by the fire so they do. They are two "huge black cats." * The cats ask if he'd like to play cards he says sure but requires to see their paws first. ** He then decides he must trim their claws first. ** He does so on the carving bench. ** He then decides he doesn't want to play cards with them so he kills them and tosses their bodies into a pond outside. * After his unprompted murder of two thinking speaking creatures he goes back to his fire and is swarmed by a bunch of black cats and dogs who are attempting to put out his fire. After a bit he grabs his knife and tells them to go away then starts his assault. Some flee, others are cut down and summarily become corpse residents of the pond. * He sleeps by the fire. The King comes by in the morning. * Night two. Some corpse people fall from the ceiling. The Youth joins them in bowling with skeleton parts. The King comes by in the morning. * Night three. Some men come in carrying a coffin. His response is to laugh and exclaim about how it is likely to be his cousin who died a few days ago. He then says, "Come my small cousin! Come!" the Men carrying the coffin put it down and the Youth goes over and opens it. There is a dead person in it. * As per the usual he brings the body next to the fire. This doesn't seem to work so he instead sleeps in the bed with it because obviously shared body heat is better than fire. It starts to move around and attempts to strangle him. He throws person back in the coffin. The people take the coffin away. * A man comes in who is more than ordinary size and of fearful appearance but old. He says he is going to kill the Youth. But it turns into a contest of strength. It ends with the old man getting beaten with an iron rod and begging for mercy and offering the Youth riches. * The Old Man shows the Youth three chests full of riches and says one is for the poor, one is for the king, and one is for him. The Old Man goes away/ was a specter and disappears. The Youth again sleeps by the Fire. * The King comes by in the morning. The King is happy that he broke the curse and marries the Youth to his daughter. * The Youth does love his wife but there is a hole in his heart due to the lack of shuddering. * The Princess's maid says she can help. * The Maid sneaks into his room one night and pours water and fish all over him which causes him to shudder which he seems to be somewhat happy about. * The End. Discussion Points * Mandatory mid-podcast nap time (1:15) ** A Brave New World *** Posthumous Esquire * The Boy Who Taught a Stove To Fear (8:37) * A valuable addition to the Scooby Doo gang (10:38) * Double Ghost (11:20) * Gordie's limited knowledge of Rap (13:48) * Panning for Heroin (17:01) * The exchange rate of princesses (18:54) * Corpse Pond * Tim Burton's next movie (33:04) * Everybody Fears Raymond (38:27) * The Youth is a sociopath (39:38) * Confucian Fish Wisdom (41:39) * The Source of all fish(45:25) Notable Quotes * Carmen: He brings life to art! Tyler: I try. Gordie: Necromancy. Tyler: Like necromancy; not unlike necromancy. Carmen: Speaking of necromancy... * Gordie: Side Note; there was a kid in high school, I don't think he knew what he was doing when he said this but, he- Tyler: Did he necromance? Gordie: No. He did better. * Gordie: That sounds like a rap thing. Gang signs. * Carmen: They continue being dead and on fire so he puts them back. * Tyler: Give me Ghostbane the Eternal. * Tyler: I don't remember these waterlogged animal corpses. * Tyler: I am on board with stop motion animated corpse procedurals. * Gordie: Only when wet with fish does one truly experience fear. Category:Episodes